Sunday, May 13, 2007

Kant Believed in the Bible

Hard, strange weekend. I find myself wondering (a) when a human being becomes a means to another human being's end, and (b) if I would want my actions to be universalized. And I find myself drawn to the greatest promise ever made:
I am the Resurrection and the Life, saith the Lord. He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
Today's Musical Insight (Crucifixion Edition):
Every finger in the room is pointing at me... I've got a bowling ball in my stomach, I've got a desert in my mouth - figures that my courage would choose to sell out now...

Thursday, May 03, 2007

A Sad Story

From Andrew Sullivan:
I remember a story told by a friend during the plague years. He was visiting a dying friend in hospital and a couple of beds down the ward from his friend, the curtains were drawn around a patient. From behind the curtains, he could hear a man softly singing a show-tune. "Well, at least that guy's keeping his spirits up," my friend remarked. "Actually," his dying friend replied, "the man in that bed died this morning and was taken away by his family. That's his boyfriend. The family won't let him go to the funeral or ever see his spouse's body again. They've kicked him out of their apartment. It wasn't his name on the lease. So he's just sitting there, singing their favorite song to an empty bed. It's the last time he'll get that close to his husband. The nurses didn't have the heart to tell him to leave yet. He's been there for hours."
Homosexuality is the moral perversion here?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The Most Beautiful Song...

The rain is perfect - exactly as I've always envisioned "Iris" being performed.



Today's Musical Insight (You Can't Put This Any Better Edition):
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be...

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Neatosocomplicated

I remember why I quit that goddamned myspace.

It’s always in the shortest second, in the tiniest moment that you realize that all your cowardly ambivalence is a farce, and a tragic one; you want to run and grasp and tear and shout, but all you manage to do is clench and swallow. And then the inborn opiate we prefer to call ‘hope’ mercifully arrives to dilute the moment, and little by little it’s over – rationalized, rejected, repackaged as ‘jealousy’ and advertised with words like ‘immature’ and ‘evanescent’. The loud-mouthed truth-teller in the back of your mind is bound to notice, however, that what you’re feeling is not immature and certainly not evanescent and, in all likelihood, not even jealousy.

Only two people knew the truth about how I felt about this person. In a complete reversal of habit, she was one of them.

For a moment today I thought about joining the Army. And why not?

I understand there’s a conspicuous deficit of well-to-do white boys.

I supported this senseless war in the beginning.

A small part of me still believes in it now.

Does that make me crazy? Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe we’re crazy.

Probably.

Today’s Musical Insight (Eight Seconds Left in Overtime Edition):

And suddenly I’ve become part of your past – I’m becoming the part that don’t last…

A Tiny Request to My Liberal Friends

Take it easy on the drug companies, eh?

Flashback: The awful year and a half between the winter of 2004 and the spring of 2006. If not for Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and the frantic efforts of at least two incredibly skilled and amazingly patient doctors... well, I don’t know how likely it is that I’m here at all. When they say they’re in the business of saving peoples’ lives, they mean it. Imperfect as the system is, they do good work.

Take it from me.

I know what I’m talking about.

Today’s Musical Insight (Best Song Ever Composed by the Hand of Man Edition):

You can’t fight the tears that ain’t comin’, or the moment of truth in your lies; and when everything feels like the movies, yeah, you’d bleed just to know you’re alive…

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Romance

I like stories like this:

A BRITISH man has met and married a 22-year-old woman after, by his own account, dreaming of her phone number and then sending her a text message.

Today’s Musical Insight (True Romantic Edition):

The years went by, the boy wished he was dead – he found seventeen girls and still wasn't wet. He went to his Papa, his Papa said: "No, those girls are all your sisters, but your Mama don't know."

Sunday, April 08, 2007

I Still Write Here…

…but I do most of blogging elsewhere now. Brooke McKean and Hanady Kader came across this post – which I shamelessly advertised on the Daily’s comment forum – and asked me to shorten it to 250 words and submit it for this upcoming Free Speech Friday. Take that, Samuel P. Huntington.

There’s an email I’ve been putting off sending since January. I told myself I was going to write it and send it tonight, and that’s it. That’s it. Well, it’s past ten and I still haven’t done it.

Here’s what I’m afraid of – the banality of emailing back and forth with an ex. I think your new job sounds great, how’s that damn math class treating you?; me, my quarter is off to a slow start, locked the keys in the car other day; gotta go because the phone is ringing or the stove is on… and the passion – even the forlorn passion of reminiscing, lonely and depressed, about old times – slowly slips into the realm of the overwrought and boring, and you begin to forget why you cared about this amazing human being in the first place.

Can you imagine something more horrible?

Today’s Musical Insight (He Was Crucified for Me? Edition):

Don’t stop here, I lost my place… but I’m close behind…

Sunday, April 01, 2007

And Now for the Real Thing

This is quite satisfying. The Broken Watch can now be reached here. I'm up to six posts and have already taken on fundamentalist busybodies of the Islamic and UW variety in my inimitably futile way. Hooray for self-righteous self-love.

Today’s Musical Insight (April Fools Day is an Anniversary I’d Rather Forget Edition):

“I didn’t know that we, we could break a silver lining. And I’m so sad; like a good book, I can’t put this day back. It’s a sorta fairy tale with you…”

Saturday, March 31, 2007

A Premature Plug

I like this blogging thing, and I'll have very little to do this quarter. So I'm building a newsblog, in the tradition of my new journalistic idols. Stay tuned. And the tiny, um, niche market(?) of people who read this little shrine to Kaasa narcissism shouldn't worry - I'll still have plenty to whine about here.

Today's Musical Insight (Guitar Hero II Edition):

“This bird you'll never change, and this bird you cannot change - Lord knows, I can't change, Lord help me, I can't change…”

Friday, March 23, 2007

A Throwback to Myspace

Back in the day, I joined myspace mostly for the quizzes. Well, I couldn't help it...

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it.

You have the confidence to make the first move.

And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best.

Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

[Giggles]

You Are Most Like George W. Bush

So what if you're not exactly popular? You still rule the free world.

And while you may be quite conservative now, you knew how to party back in the day!

Umm...how should I feel about this?

Hitchens: In the Heart of Darkness

I’ve just finished Love, Poverty, and War by Christopher Hitchens, the collection of reviews, essays, and columns that he published in 2004 to well-deserved acclaim. Reading through these particular selections, one keeps imagining Hitchens chuckling slyly to himself as he dives into his own canon, cutting and pasting his old contrarianisms into a brutal, gorgeously-written volume of heresy. His reviewers are right to say that the result is impressive. He may as well have called it I Bloody Well Told You So.

And then one reaches the Vanity Fair column entitled “Pakistan: On the Frontier of Apocalypse,” written in its namesake country a little more than a month after 9/11. As an enthusiastic and often dogmatic fan, I have trouble chewing on this bit of derision:

“All-male crowds, with no outlet for their emotions after listening to inflammatory sermons from the mullahs or the Jamaat-Ulema-i-Islami Party demagogues, spilled out of the mosques and displayed what I can only call an attitude.”

I hate it when a single chapter or a single short story or a single essay cast a shadow on an entire work. This article, detailing a trip to the Orient in the aftermath of the region’s most important geopolitical event in two decades, scowls at the anxiety of the people living there. And it scowls at the reader too.

Hitchens is a creature of the mid-twentieth century left, a Nation-contributing former Trotskyist whom people keep comparing to George Orwell. As a journalist, though, it seems to me that he takes his cues from Karl Marx, who covered the American Civil War for Horace Greeley’s New York Tribune quite brilliantly. Empiricism and materialism were the cruces of Marx’s critical thinking, but in truth he never ventured far from his moral center. Dismayed as he was with the “contradictions” and exploitation of Yankee capitalism, he never ceased to be disgusted by the arrogance and banal evil of the feudal atrocity that was “Southern civilization.” Hitchens writes in the same polemical vein – his journalism is always accurate and always pointed, always fair and never balanced.

But “Pakistan” is an unsettling, distracting departure. Traveling in a Pakistani border city he “used to love” five weeks after an attack on a pair of American cities he loves more, he garners some discomfiting satisfaction out of annoying the locals. Roaming through the refugee camps (the attack on the Taliban next door is understood to be imminent) on the outskirts he happens upon a man selling t-shirts bearing the image of Osama bin Laden. He begins to haggle with the vendor, and a crowd of nervous people begins to form around the white English-speaking man who suspiciously wants to buy a souvenir celebrating his country’s sworn enemy. When the agitated crowd demands to know why he is not scared to deign to show his (full) wallet in front of them, he taunts them with “Why should I be scared? Muslims do not steal from guests.” Narrating the scene, he remarks that he never uses dehumanizing terms like ‘teeming’ and ‘seething’ to describe a crowd, and tastelessly opts instead to evoke a “peripheral” vista of “writhing, baffled beards and mustaches.” It’s painful to the reader that Hitchens clearly does not appreciate the irony of his revulsion with these peoples’ “miasma of self-pity mingled with self-righteousness.”

Shall we be clear? His criticisms of this society’s sexism, fear, demagoguery and autarky are legitimate. But they are not truly Christopher Hitchens. Hitchens’ work is almost invariably informed by Marx’s journalistic ethos – an appreciation for context, an exceptional knowledge of history, and a nearly universal empathy for downtrodden and exploited nations. And his writing is almost invariably what I call eloquent, a union of the writer and his character, his purpose, his subject, and his subtle mastery of the craft.

The diction, the syntax, the construction of metaphors – yes, Hitchens cannot help but write elegantly, but in this article his instinctive eloquence escapes him. He is not honest. He is not angry. He is not gentle, even in his polemical way. He is superior, and superior in the very way that Joseph Conrad found so odious. One critic put it well: He is an Englishman in a hot country snarling at the natives.

At the First International, Marx was engaged in a heated leadership struggle with Mikhail Bakunin. After he had won the narrow vote, he sneered, “Bah! I do not trust any Russian.” In the weeks after 9/11, most of us had thoughts possessed of the same spirit. But like Marx, we had the grace to be somewhat ashamed of them, and managed to avoid publishing them in a compilation of our best work. “Pakistan” is a bane on an otherwise masterly book, and one exceedingly worth the read. On the thermometer of intellectual merit, this article sits considerably below its author. For shame, Mr. Hitchens.

Today’s Musical Insight (Sarcastic Anticlericalism Edition):

“Sunday morning’s every day for all I care, and I’m not scared; light my candles in a daze ‘cause I’ve found God…”

Sunday, March 18, 2007

"This world you must have crossed..."

A few moments ago I was strolling about Safeway in search of Dr. Pepper, and Stevie Nicks was beseeching me, Can she sail through the changing ocean tides? Can she handle the seasons of her life? … I don’t know.

Eric Blair said once that he’d never written anything good that wasn’t about politics. I remembered that reading my last post – contrary to whatever I’ve convinced myself of in anticipation of the moment I open my grade page, I’ve never written anything good that wasn’t in love letter form.

(I like to think of George Orwell as a friend. A pen pal. Which is why it’s okay for me to use his real name.)

The notorious question came up again last night – is being in love alone enough? I would, of course, like to think so. But love is never alone, and when we talk about love “alone,” we usually mean love accompanied by a healthy dose of sheer misery.

Back to Oly tomorrow. I plan on sampling the fish and chips at that little pizza-and-clam-chowder café on the boardwalk. Care to join?

Today’s Musical Insight (Wuthering Heights-Style Romance is Not a Good Life Choice Edition):

“You said, ‘You don’t know me, and you don’t even care.’ Oh yeah, you said, ‘You don’t know me, and you don’t wear my chains.’ Oh yeah, you said, ‘I think I’ll go to Boston, I think I’ll start a new life, I think I’ll start it over where no one knows my name…’”

(I knew about this song before you did.)

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Is it Irony?

It was the perfect way to end a quarter during which I was compelled to produce, for three separate classes, a full 47 pages of strained lines of reasoning, contrived nuances, and trite metaphors: “So far, you have written two essays for PolSci 273, and you are about to write another. Is the process of writing these essays a form of domination as Foucault understands it, or is it a path to freedom? Explain your answer.”

In the wee hours of the morning that this paper is due, when I’m on the last leg of a finals week of an unexpectedly taxing quarter, you better believe that it’s a form of domination.

I’m actually proud of a lot of the writing I’ve done this quarter. Not all of it is absolute drivel. I’ve had the opportunity to dress down many published writers who are smarter than me, without the attendant risk of these folks ever finding out and responding in kind. It’s like a scholarly guerrilla war. Christopher’s Id force pokes through in his treatment of Michael McFaul, the eminent Stanford political scientist and Russia specialist:

“McFaul’s rumination is mystifying, drenched as it is in the language of insinuation (everything ‘now seems inevitable,’ but ‘nothing seemed preordained,’ and ‘perhaps’ this is a great achievement?). Considering, moreover, that he precedes it with a list of all the things that might have gone wrong, we have no idea whether he regards the dissolution of the USSR as inevitable. But McFaul’s intellectual contortionism does provide us with…”

“Fully embracing, it seems, the obsequious connotation of the word ‘apologia’ as a label for his article, McFaul moves on to lament the personal demonization of Yeltsin. After all, he argues, ‘it is wrong to assume that one man could have the power or ideas to guide or crash Russia’s revolution...even a larger-than-life personality like Boris Yeltsin.’ This contention merits a response, if only because patronizing homilies like this are the kernels of irresponsible revisionism with a human face.”

That’s right. I went there. Did you catch the allusion to Gorbachev's political sloganeering in the last sentence? Gloves are off, bee-yatch!

In other news, thank God this quarter’s over.

Today’s Musical Insight (Don’t You Want Somebody to Love? Edition):

“If I don’t say this now, I will surely break…”

Monday, March 05, 2007

Please Don't Read This If You Don't Know Me Very Well

Sarah once told me about this exercise she had to do in a Beginning Acting class. It was supposed to teach the importance of symbols, I suppose, and how to develop empathy for the character you’re playing. The student would hand the professor his or her wallet and then stand up in front of the class. The professor would pull out random objects and ask a question about each one, until he suspected that he’d hit a potent emotional nerve. He would keep asking questions until he had followed the entire path of memory and feeling back to the object’s emotional core. She told me tales of football leviathans breaking down inconsolably.

And here I sit, not with a random picture or receipt or to-do list out of my wallet, but with that damn speech medal from 2002.

The YD-CR debate went quite well, but it’s turned me into an emotional wreck over the past few days. Fuck me. I know better than this. Public speaking carries too much baggage for me...weird, no? And right before finals.

Ha! Right before finals! Yes, on Friday I realized that I wanted to go home for a couple of days – that I couldn’t take being in this shitty apartment anymore, that I was constantly on the verge of crying, that I missed my mom and I missed my sister, and I missed Sabrina and my brother and my dad even though I wouldn’t get to see them, that I missed the goddamned cats and the high school that’s just a few blocks from my house, that I missed thinking about Sidney Carton and what I would do for the girl I loved and about the naif politics of "overcoming suffering" while smelling the smell of the backyard when the sun is going down; I realized that my dad was serious when he said that after Chelsey graduates he might move to Longview or some place where he’s not even in the same city as my mom, and that that devastates me despite my… strained relationship with him and the fact that he’s right about not having any reason to live in Tumwater anymore, because I’ll graduate from college the same year that she graduates from high school, and I’ll go God knows where and my brother will go God knows where and my sister will go God knows where, and my dad will live someplace new that reminds him of fucking Montana, and my mom will stay and maybe even sell the house, and that then, finally, passively, tranquilly, in a quiet way that everyone will probably keep to themselves, my family will kind of be over.

Today’s Musical Insight (Never Let Me Get Married, Because Getting Divorced Would Absolutely Kill Me Edition):

“So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and all you didn’t do. I said bleed it, bleed it, bleed it, there’s nothing in you anyway. And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much that you can’t let me out, let me out, let me out of hell when you’re around?”

Saturday, February 24, 2007

"Sing without a reason..."

What do you do with the artifacts of a broken promise? What if you are the responsible party? I suspect the answer is the same in either case – I keep them in my sock drawer, along with a box of Eclipse, a few of those little bottles of liquor, and (…ahem…) contraceptives.

Through no fault of my own, that “drink-sodden former Trotskyite popinjay” Christopher Hitchens has become one of my favorite writers, and not just because he gives words to my inarticulate misgivings about the contemporary left’s infuriating multicultural etiquette. He’s also one of the few adults still defending the Iraq War, and I think that’s admirable. He beat the criminal demagogue George Galloway (truly the incarnation of Ellsworth Toohey) in that debate in New York, a fact which any intelligent and honest person can understand. Jon Stewart is the only person I’ve ever seen challenge him successfully, which redoubles my respect for them both; isn’t it a testament to the state of the modern media that Hitchens’ only intellectual equal is on Comedy Central at 11/10c?

In an interview with The New Yorker, he famously declared that the three most overrated things in the world are lobster, champagne, and anal sex. I find this remarkable because I never thought anyone would put lobster and anal sex in any sort of category.

YD-CR debate coming up quick, and I wish I had Galloway’s soapbox talents. I’ve discovered this is more of a jeering, crowd-pleasing, contest of insults than classic L-D…which I have no qualms with. I was nominated(?) because I’m a decent speaker, and I accepted because I enjoy attention. The only problem – I’m not funny. Or smart or quick. We’ll see how this goes. Maybe I ought to bone up on my Prime Minister’s Questions in anticipation of the main event…

Today’s Musical Insight (Feel Better, Sarah Edition):

“There’s still tomorrow, forget the sorrow – and I can be on the last train home, watchin’ past the past the day as it fades away, no more time to care, no more time today…”