Neatosocomplicated

I remember why I quit that goddamned myspace.

It’s always in the shortest second, in the tiniest moment that you realize that all your cowardly ambivalence is a farce, and a tragic one; you want to run and grasp and tear and shout, but all you manage to do is clench and swallow. And then the inborn opiate we prefer to call ‘hope’ mercifully arrives to dilute the moment, and little by little it’s over – rationalized, rejected, repackaged as ‘jealousy’ and advertised with words like ‘immature’ and ‘evanescent’. The loud-mouthed truth-teller in the back of your mind is bound to notice, however, that what you’re feeling is not immature and certainly not evanescent and, in all likelihood, not even jealousy.

Only two people knew the truth about how I felt about this person. In a complete reversal of habit, she was one of them.

For a moment today I thought about joining the Army. And why not?

I understand there’s a conspicuous deficit of well-to-do white boys.

I supported this senseless war in the beginning.

A small part of me still believes in it now.

Does that make me crazy? Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe we’re crazy.

Probably.

Today’s Musical Insight (Eight Seconds Left in Overtime Edition):

And suddenly I’ve become part of your past – I’m becoming the part that don’t last…